Monday, June 23, 2014

I am finally at peace

As I sit in my bed, surrounded by insulin pump catalogs, I feel at peace. 

At peace with this new life. 
At peace with the handful of new responsibilities I've had to take on.
At peace with my diagnosis.

Never had I thought I would find myself in a situation like this, yet here I am jotting down pros + cons for a machine I'm about to have attached to me, for the rest of my life.. all with a smile on my face. 

It's taken a while for me to get to this point & I can't put into words how good it feels to finally be here. To wake up in the morning and think to myself, "Shit could be worse." Rather than, "Why me?" 

Although I'm grateful to be waking up with a more positive mindset + outlook, I feel that the "Why me?" stage played a huge role in my healing. It was necessary to cry, to scream, and at times, hate the universe for what it had put in my path. For every tragedy, no matter the tragedy, there seems to be a healing process we all must go through, in order to move forward// Confusion: why me?, anger: I hate my life, sadness: my life is over, acceptence: shit could be worse, confidence: I can do this. 

This diagnosis has shown me how strong of a woman I truly am. Way stronger than I have ever, or would have ever given myself credit for, had I not been diagnosed. So in a sense, I have thanks to give. Not because I enjoy having this illness, but because I know now, I can handle ANYTHING this crazy thing we call life, throws my way. No matter the situation, there is always something to give thanks for. Always. It may have taken me longer than expected to realize that, but I realized it + that's what matters. 

In less than a week I will have to make my decision. Omnipop vs. Medtronic. No matter the route I choose to go, diabetes will no longer be something that brings me down. I can do this. I will do this. 

I am finally at peace. 

I continue to thank you all for the non-stop support + love you've sent my way! I appreciate you all more than you know. Thank you for reading + visiting the RadAndRebellious// happy Monday xx

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