Monday, July 14, 2014

Down in the dumps

I feel lately as if I'm stuck in a "blah" mood. Not myself.. 

Down in the dumps.  

If able, I would stay in bed all day and all night without it being a bother to me whatsoever. I'm tired. really, really tired. Easily ticked off + lacking in the motherly department because when I'm sad all I want to do is be A L O N E, which (excuse my language) isn't fucking okay. I'm tired of feeling this way. Do you ever feel upset for what seems like no reason at all? Makes no sense. 

If you've been following my blog, you know firsthand that I'm anything but fake. I don't sugar coat anything & I tell it like it is. The good, the bad + the ugly. Everything I feel is poured out right here, into each post I share. 

This is all a learning experience, really. Here I am mothering and teaching a beautiful two year old the "ways of life" when I, myself still don't know all the ins + outs. Us mothers are all so incredibly lucky to have unconditional support from our babies, our toddlers, our tweens + teens. It seems as if no matter how ugly a day has been, how bad of a mother we felt we were, how snappy & irritated we portrayed to be, our children love us just the same. They easily forgive our dingbat actions & adore us through + through. For that alone, I owe my son the absolute world. I owe him endless trips to the park & cookies for breakfast (maybe), I owe him a handful of new race cars + The Lorax on replay. 

I owe him ME. All of me. Every day, every hour, every minute, every second. He deserves an amazing mama because he is nothing less than amazing, himself. 

For that reason alone, I will fight through the ugly "down in the dumps" days & irritable mood swings. I will fight through it all.. 

For him. 

Tonight before bed, I turned to Jonah and apologized to him for not playing with him as much as I should have. I hugged him and kissed him until he finally said "stop it mama, you're funny." I promised him that tomorrow I would be better & we would do anything he wanted to do. His response, "I want to go to a new park and slide and go fasher (faster) mama." I said yes baby, anything you want! Kissed him goodnight more times than I could count & within minutes he was OUT. Just like that, I was forgiven & all was good again. 

// My alarm is set for 8am. Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow is THE day, to be the mama my sweet boy deserves & nothing less.